George, The Coach is Going to Play His Best Players

A friend told me a story that I’d like to share.

George was a freshmen collegiate baseball player.  He believed he was having a strong fall season.  In his teams first doubleheader George did not play in game one, and the 1^st baseman who he was behind went 0-4 with three strikeouts.  In game two, he did not start either, but he did come off the bench and went 2-2.  His team had another game the following week.  In his mind, he had a great week of practice and was ready to be the starter.

When the lineup was posted for the final game of the fall, George was once again not in the lineup.  To make matters worse, he didn’t even get an at-bat.  Mad, frustrated, and embarrassed, George made a phone call to his father that evening.  “Dad, I’m twice as good as him (referring to his teammate).”  George went on and on stating all of the reasons he was better.  His father’s comment has stuck with him for over 25 years – his dad calmly said, “Come on, George.” With a slight chuckle he finished, “The Coach is going to play his best players.  I’ll talk to you next week when you’re done feeling sorry for yourself.” 

Avoid the Habitual Gripers:

Before my freshmen year at Marietta College, I received a letter from the legendary, Don Schaly.  The letter was brilliant.  In great depth, Coach described the challenges that lie ahead.  He stated that there would be times of failure and hardship.  In those moments, he challenged to “avoid the habitual gripers” that would be lurking in those difficult times.  These people would make you feel good in the short term, but would not be successful in the program.  It was as accurate as it was harsh.

Kids Nowadays:

We hear it all the time, how kids have changed.  They are entitled, only care about themselves and they pout if they don’t get what they want.  I disagree.  During my playing career I can remember some great people and competitors who were extremely displeased with a coach’s decision.  I, myself, wasn’t immune to showing displeasure. There are times that I regret my attitude and reaction to failure and negative events.  The group of “gripers” were attractive and welcoming at those moments.  Luckily, like George, I had parents that wouldn’t allow me loathe in self-pity.

It’s very natural for competitors to be hurt and even display moments of bad behavior when things don’t go their way.  It’s part of the growth process.  The key is having a support system, typically led by parents or guardians, who don’t allow the spiral to continue.  The support system displays love but does not enable.  It’s not the kids who have changed; instead, it is their support system.

Thoughts for Parents:

Over the last two weeks I’ve had three people reach out to me asking for advice.  Their stories were similar with the premise being their sons were not getting the playing time or role for their respective basketball teams.  Being a parent myself, I can empathize with their pain.  We all want our kids to be happy, especially when they have worked really hard.

I acknowledged that their child is going through a difficult time; however, it is an experience that is extremely common.  Almost every athlete, even the elite of the elite, goes through this process at some point.  It happens at different levels: for some in middle school, for others not until the professional ranks.  The timing doesn’t matter; it is equally as difficult.

In my opinion, this is a critical moment for the young person’s development.  Remember, your child will have a group of “gripers” they can turn to.  As parents, we must avoid being included in this group.  Sure, it will provide short-term comfort, but it won’t help them in the long run.  More than likely this will be very tough on you.  Your child may even be mad that you are not supporting them.  In actuality, you are showing the greatest level of love and caring by allowing the process to play out.  In the long run, trust that you are doing an incredible service to your child.

Thoughts for Coaches:

George’s story was powerful for me as a coach.  Let’s face it, there is more pressure than ever from parents.  As a steward of the lessons that can be learned in sports, it’s the coach’s responsibility to play the most deserving players.  And, yes, this doesn’t always mean the hardest working or the “best kid.”  The hardest working and greatest attitudes may not get the immediate benefit (like playing time) but they will reap long-term rewards.  Coaches must lean into the uncomfortable decisions even if that means more headaches and potentially losing their job.

Final Thought:

George credits his dad’s courage to have the difficult conversation with his future success as an athlete and person.  It empowered him to take ownership.  When things did not go his way he worked harder and smarter to increase his role.  This mindset allowed him to persevere and overcome obstacles.  It also made him grow up – his dad wasn’t going to fight his battles.

On the surface, today’s article is about athletes’ inability to accept ownership and the importance of their support system to “call them out” on occasion.  But there’s more.  Every time I speak, I often hear, “I wish my son and daughter were here.  They need this.”  This is understandable; the message does revolve around sports.

The challenge this week, however, is to attempt to hear George’s dad in your own life.  Maybe we need to reexamine or redefine our definition of “support.” Sometimes we need to hear, “Come on Mike, the boss is going to promote her best employee.”  Or, “Come on, you’re not getting the health results because of your diet and exercise.”

Have you blamed others for poor results recently?  Have other people’s attitudes been the problem not yours?  I’ve found it’s common and easier to blame others instead of taking ownership. However, taking ownership moves us from a victim role (reactive) to an empowered role (proactive) – now we have the ability to improve what we can control.

This week, I will challenge myself to take full ownership of my lot in life.  I will avoid the “habitual gripers” knowing they won’t be successful and happy in the long run.  No excuses.  No complaining. In addition, I will have the courage to challenge those I love when they are in the self-loathing state.

I hope you join me in the journey.  Let’s make it a great week,

Mike