“Crossed Off My List” Understanding Monsters and Angels

My thoughts are cluttered from a trend on Twitter.  Coaches are getting tons of likes and retweets by bashing kids’ behaviors.  “Crossing kids off the list” has been the go-to phrase.

Had to cross a player off my list.  He slammed his helmet after he struck out.  I don’t want him in my program. 

Saw a parent hand their kid a Gatorade.  I want kids who drink from a garden hose. Crossed off my list.

Watched a team leave their dugout a mess.  No respect.  I won’t be recruiting any of their players.  They have been crossed off my list. 

It’s just social media, why are these posts bothering me?  Isn’t slamming a helmet wrong? Don’t I believe that parents shouldn’t coddle their kids?  Is it not common courtesy to leave a dugout in great condition?  Where is my frustration coming from? 

I’m not sure I possess the language to describe my feelings……here goes nothing. 

Why I Interact with the World the Way I Do:

I feel fortunate. I’m from a middle class family; however, I was exposed to things many of my peers were not. For example, I’m lucky to have spent meaningful time with leaders of industry: doctors, lawyers, CEO’s, and owners of businesses. Conversely, I  also know people from poor social and economic conditions.  Through sports, I’ve been able to forge relationships with people society labels poorly; some who have been, or later would become, incarcerated.

The wealthy are often stereotyped as privileged, pompous, and greedy.  I can confidently report, this is not a fact.  Some of the most caring people I know are influential leaders.  On the other hand, I’ve also met powerful people who are narcissistic jerks. 

Would you believe I’ve met drug dealers who are caring, kind, and smart? I have, and I admire things about them.  Also, I’ve met lower-economic people who have treated me poorly. 

I’ve learned color of skin, socioeconomic status, and job title do not determine one’s spirit.  I’ve also learned a snapshot interaction is a poor way to judge character. 

Being Part of the Solution:

“Monsters will always exist.  There’s one inside each of us.  But an angel lives there, too.  There is no more important agenda than figuring out how to slay one and nurture the other”- Jacqueline Novogratz on the Tim Ferris Show (Episode 512).

I refuse to believe people, businesses, or systems are all evil or all good.  I don’t believe one incident, one interaction, or one social media post accurately portrays character. 

Today, I challenge you to move toward a place of reflection and empathy.  You are an influencer and have the ability to create change. 

While Twitter may not impact your life, please consider the following:

• Not judging someone because they don’t return their shopping cart.  
• Not labeling someone because they drive an expensive car.
• Not getting emotionally heightened over the news.

Can you be vulnerable and admit you are equipped with both monsters and angels?

Back to Baseball

Is slamming a helmet wrong? Yes. It shouldn’t happen.  But… what if that kid is experiencing something terrible at home? What if years of frustration exploded in a moment?  Is that a life-sentence or a teaching opportunity?

Should kids be responsible for handling hydration needs? Probably.  But….what if she comes from a split family and her dad is attending his first game. Dad wants to find a way to connect and offers a drink.  Is that the worst thing? 

Dugouts- it’s a bad look to not clean your mess, but maybe they haven’t learned this lesson yet.  A conversation can fix this problem. 

Final Thoughts:

Many of the best players I’ve coached have arrived with a checkered past. For various reasons, they were young men who could haven been “crossed off the list.”  They became great players and teammates.  More importantly, over time, their true character was revealed. 

I’ve witnessed beauty in unlikely places. I’m sure you have as well. 

Why am I passionate about this subject and what can you take away? 

1. Avoid judging. Being judgmental leads to missing out on knowing and working with amazing people.
2. Get curious. Working to understand other’s prisms is more effective than writing someone off.
3. Develop empathy.  We must acknowledge monsters reside in all of us…..we are far from perfect.
4. Have humility. Being thankful we were educated in a particular manner is better than looking down on others.   
5. Search for teachable moments. Often times “egregious” mistakes (like not using the correct fork) can be fixed with education. 

Before we “cross someone off our list” let’s make sure we really know them. 

Mike

P.S. Here’s a link to the episode 512 of the Tim Ferris Show. From the 50-55 minutes is where they discuss the idea of monsters and angels. Tim Ferris with Jacqueline Novogratz

This is a core coaching philosophy of mine and one I touch on in the course I teach on People Development.